The Hell Butterfly

“I believe I can fly” .. Wait, what?

I’m usually not very connected to the world. I often drift through the day without paying much attention to anything. But there are a few things that I do and don’t believe in. I can’t say whether I believe anything really with all my heart, because I don’t know how my feelings work. I can’t tell if what I feel towards a person, or a particular subject, is true to it’s core. But I do know that certain things are, to me, almost completely true. There are things I believe in, and things that I don’t, and the level of belief may not be enough to call it ‘true’, but certainly enough to make an impression on me and influence the way I am.

Things I believe in:

1. The Earth has its own consciousness. I don’t believe there is a God. What I do believe is that the Earth itself has a mind of its own. It needs to keep an equilibrium. Everything that happens in the world, that some may call ‘divine intervention’ is not in fact the work of God, but the work of the Earth trying to keep a balance. If one country over-populates, the Earth will compensate by reducing the number elsewhere. Usually this will be the more vulnerable places, which is why you always hear of high mortality rates in Africa, but high birth rates in the more affluent parts of the world. We fuck up in one way, and the Earth will find a way to balance it out somewhere else in the world. It needs balance.

And in this way I also believe we have royally fucked that balance. We have made Earth’s job so much harder. Yes, I’m talking about Climate Change. We all know the story: the last couple hundred years had seen a rise in fossil fuel consumption and the last 50 or so have been the worst on record, and it is set to get worse. I won’t go on a rant about it as that is not the point of this, but it has had a large implication on the Earth’s job. It is finding it ever harder to combat Climate Change and it’s our fault. Equilibrium is harder to keep. Before when the biggest problems were the population growth, it now has to deal with an ever-increasing fever. That’s how I like to think of it. The constant weather changes is like the hot and cold of a fever. We have infected the Earth with this disease and it is getting worse each day. The temperature is rising, and to try and flush it out and regain balance, the Earth must throw snowstorms over the US and heatwaves over France. It must cause droughts in Africa and floods in Britain. I can’t say I truly believe this, because no-one can know for sure, but I’m pretty set in my view on this. The Earth is the real God.

2. Aliens. I refuse to believe we humans are the only intelligent life in this entire universe. The universe is so big we can’t physically know what else is out there. We can go to the moon, and we can land on Mars, but who really knows what else is happening in the great expanse of outer-space? We cannot definitively say there is no other life out there. I’m not saying I believe there are little green men with three fingers and giant black eyes roaming the skies in their cylindrical metal pods. But I refuse to believe there is really nothing else out there.

I like to watch out for alien craft in UFO Hunting Season. This is usually around October through to February. I say this because this is when the nights are darkest. UFO simply means Unidentified Flying Object. So maybe it is just an airplane going overhead, but at night who really can tell? I have seen some odd phenomena over the years. This includes seeing two aircraft fly head on at a rather high speed, circle each other and fly off again. Maybe this was just Chinook maneuver training as we were right near the RAF Odiham base, but I have a hard time believing our own aircraft would be able to pull off a stunt like that over a main road without someone announcing it in the local news. It seems too outrageous and really too dangerous to be carried out, especially somewhere so public. So what was it I saw? Also, on another occasion, me and my family witnessed close to 50 lights in the sky. We spotted them on the way home from work, and they sure as hell weren’t no stars. They were red lights, sometimes flashing, but all moving slowly in the same direction. There were so many and so close together it was impossible for me to believe they were regular aircraft. And it was silent, even with that great number of aircraft. Something was happening that night and who’s to say it wasn’t some military training program from another such intelligent life-form out there in the wide universe?

3. Music and television saves lives. Some people might look at this and wonder why on Earth I would believe that. How could a piece of music or a band save a life? How can a television program, characters, actors, do such a profound thing? But it’s true. I believe it. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. Music and television have both saved my life on numerous occasions. Sometimes through escapism, sometimes through a connection of empathy. Knowing someone else, fictional or otherwise, has felt what I have is a real help at times.

In terms of music, what a band stands for can be a greater influence than you may imagine. For me it was My Chemical Romance. It is the views they value that got me through a few really difficult times of my life. Be it the music, the lyrics, interviews, or inspirational speeches, MCR has a way of communicating their optimism, their positivity. The one quote that stands out for me was repeated on stage in several shows of theirs after The Daily Mail labelled them a ‘suicide cult’: “Nothing is worth hurting yourself over. Nothing is worth taking your life over. Do you understand?” Now I know that those of you who follow The Hell Butterfly will know how hypocritical this sounds, me saying that I am inspired by the words to not hurt yourself. But I know it isn’t worth it, and throughout my life there have been moments when this quote and their music has been the only thing stopping myself from doing something stupid. And I know this isn’t a personal thing to me, because it was the same for my sister. For her it was The Script.

Television too has this power. I strongly believe that the anime Bleach has done wonders for me. It has saved my life a few times. I can escape into their world. If I could crawl into my laptop screen and become a Soul Reaper, if I could live in the Seireitei and protect the World of the Living from Hollows then I would do it in a heartbeat. That world for me is everything. There is the sense of comradeship, of respect, of having values, of protecting something, of standing for something, of believing in something. The Soul Reapers fight every day because they believe in something. They believe in a better world. They stand for something, each different between Soul Reapers, but they all have something they value and something they stand for. They all have reasons to keep living. And that is so inspirational I can’t even explain it. I can escape into their world and feel what they feel. I can witness them fulfilling their beliefs and believe it too. And again, I’m not the only one. For my sister it was Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Music and television really can save lives.

Things I don’t believe in:

1. Love at first sight. I believe there is such a thing as infatuation at first sight, or lust at first sight, but not love. To form a bond that strong with a person takes more than eye contact and the outer physical appearance of a person. Even going as far as the first meeting including speech I think it is impossible to truly love a person on that first encounter. You can form a quick friendship, can fall into a mad crush, but you can’t love somebody that quickly. Love takes time, trust, knowledge. Can you really love somebody you don’t even know? ‘At first sight’ suggests a mere glance at the physical appearance which is why I believe lust at first sight is a possibility. You can see someone, think ‘Dauym they are fine‘ and lust over them. But love, for me, is an impossibility in that situation. Any sort of feeling at first sight is merely material, is is not emotional. Physical attraction yes, but emotional attachment, absolutely not.

2. God. I went into this a bit in the first point, but to elaborate, while I do believe the Earth has a separate consciousness, I also believe the Almighty God is false. There is no ‘God’ in the sense that the Bible portrays. I was discussing certain points about the bible the other day with my bestie, and together we came up with several holes.

First – Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge. God scolds her and Adam for this and goes so far as to banish them from the Garden of Eden. Second – if I have my knowledge correct here, he punishes his own son (Jesus, duh) by banishing him too to a life on Earth. In the first case, how can God possibly be mad at them for eating from the Tree when he gave them no such information as to the ‘negative consequences’ as he sees them? Nowhere in the six days of creating the Earth did God give them any form of intelligence or common sense. How were they to know any better? They were hungry, saw something tasty and the snake told them to do it. Maybe, if God had have spent the last day giving them intelligence instead of having a nap, they would have known that certain things are out of bounds and would have learned to respect rules, orders, and boundaries. They wouldn’t have been curious for knowledge if they had been given it in the first place. Secondly, how cruel must a man be to condemn his own son to a life of punishment for something somebody else did? Regardless of whether they were committing a crime knowingly or not, Jesus had nothing to do with it. So why did God see fit to punish him? It makes no sense to me.

Putting the Bible aside, just look at the world. All this disease, war, pain, corruption. If God is as powerful as religion tells us he is, why doesn’t he do something about it? You can’t tell me letting someone die of cancer is ‘just punishment’ if they were a nice person who never did a thing wrong. How can he allow thugs, murderers, rapists, pedophiles, to roam the streets when he has no qualms about allowing a baby to be stillborn, a child to be killed in a car crash, or a dog to be beaten? Fine, if some people want to believe there is somebody out there who will judge them by their actions and receive their punishment as fair, because that’s what God planned for them, then by all means go ahead. I won’t stop you from believing, because we all have to believe in something. I’ll allow those people to have faith. But for me I refuse to believe that an all-powerful omnipotent being such as he is could let this world be so messed up.

3. Positive thinking. I had to think hard to come up with a third point for this. I wanted three on either side but it was hard to come up with something off the top of my head. But thinking deeper I came up with this. I don’t believe that positive thinking can really ever get you want you want. Call me a pessimist, I am one after all. But on a serious note, I can’t believe that simply by telling yourself you can get that job because you deserve it, and are capable of anything if you put your mind to it, will really make you any more likely to get it. Positive thinking may work for self-esteem. If you’re a strong person and can tune out to the outside influences and truly believe that what you tell yourself is true in that respect then yes, maybe positive thinking alone can be enough. But I don’t buy it. Not entirely. How can being positive make any difference in an interview if your credentials aren’t right? How can believing you can be successful at something overcome your ability to do it? That’s what I don’t get: people who say that thinking positive will make it alright. Surely, if you lack the capability to do something, no amount of positive thinking can help. I just can’t believe it.

Maybe it is the pessimist in me. The way I see it, shit happens, and if you expect it to happen it hurts a little less when it does. If you expect it to go wrong and it somehow defies expectation by having a more positive outcome, it makes the victory that much sweeter. I just don’t believe that positive thinking is enough by itself to make things happen the way you want them too. But maybe that’s just me.

Other beliefs:

  1. Material Love: I Believe in Chicken | Kosher Adobo
  2. I Believe | Kate Murray
  3. Death begs to differ | Daily Prompt: I Believe | likereadingontrains
  4. Daily Prompt: I Believe- Psychological advantage of having beleifs | Journeyman
  5. Daily Prompt: I Believe | The WordPress C(h)ronicle
  6. Not So Open Mind | The Jittery Goat
  7. DP Daily Prompt: I Believe! | Sabethville
  8. One Crazy Mom » What I believe to be true
  10. S. Thomas Summers: Writing with Some Ink and a Hammer | When Neverland Dies
  11. Thoughtful Combinations | Rima Hassan
  12. I Believe? | Writing and Works
  13. I believe… | Words ‘n Pics…
  14. Daily Prompt: I Believe | Jen & Juice
  15. Daily Prompt: What do I believe? | Lupus?! A wha dat?!
  16. Honest something | shame
  17. I Believe | Oldman
  19. Daily Prompt: I Believe | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
  20. The Power of Belief ::E.N.Howie’s Motivational Moments
  21. Daily Prompt: I Believe | Raevenly Writes
  22. I believe | fromdublintoparis
  23. » Daily Prompt: I Believe | My Extraordinary Everyday Life
  24. Daily Prompt: I Believe | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  25. I believe my blog’s anniversary is not far off | Sue’s Trifles
  26. Have Faith my Brethen | Green Embers
  27. Don’t Stop Believin | snapshotsofawanderingheart
  28. I Believe | Can’t Sleep
  29. I Believe | The Silver Leaf Journal
  31. Daily Prompt: I Believe | Of Glass & Paper
  32. I Believe / I Do Not Believe
  33. Believe in Love. | Asta’s Space
  34. musings | a study in coincidences.
  35. The Big 3s | Faith, Life and Compassion
  36. I am not a walrus. | Sinister Pacifism
  37. Daily Prompt: I Believe | Completely Disappear
  38. Say It Like It IS | Life Confusions
  39. some i believe and some i don’t… | from dusk to dawn….
  40. Responsible, Resilient and Ridiculous….(wp daily prompt) | Daily Observations
  41. Daily Prompt: I Believe | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

10 responses


  2. People think differently about the same things, that does not mean no one is right.

    March 16, 2014 at 4:40 pm

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