The Hell Butterfly

Should Have Gone With ‘Plenty of Fish’ …

Kerrang! Dating is a joke. It’s totally not worth the money.

Things you can do on a full paid account:

– Send emails to anyone

– Read received emails from other members with a full account

– View people in your local area

– See who has viewed your page and when

– Search all members, with optional filters

– Wink At, Favourite, and Chat With members with full accounts

– Horoscopes/Diaries/’Romantic Match’

– Get leered at by old lonely men

– Not meet anyone your own age who has an actual personality

– Meet people who’s idea of a good first impression involves telling you they want a woman with a good personality, similar interests and can love them just for who they are.

Things you can do with a free membership account:

– Log in

As you can see, to get any use out of the site you have to pay for a full membership. As I originally planned to use K! Dating for the shits and giggles, I only paid for one month. That cost me £14.95. For one month. I can get 3 months of Xbox Live Gold for that. But regardless, I paid it.

And the site is definitely not worth it.

The introductory messages are all so generic. For examples, visit my earlier posts in the Kerrang! Dating Chronicles section of The Hell Butterfly. Most consist of ‘looking for a girl’, ‘friendship first and maybe a date’ or ‘I love sports and my car so come check me out!’. None of them have good spelling. Some are unbelievably dumb, others laughable, most are boring. Some just defy explanation. Here is one I received the other day:

Who am I looking for??

Im looking for someone who wears beautiful colourful dresses, likes to frolic in fields, knows her star constellations, interlectual and likes simulating conversations. Its helps if you a little bit crazy, I sure am! Always up for an adventure. D

Gobsmacked.

In terms of the main profile page, there aren’t a great many things I can say that I think are wrong with it. I have no experience with other dating sites to compare it to, but from what I can tell it’s pretty bog-standard and does the job. The only real things I can say I don’t like, are the lack of options for Hobbies and Interests, and the fact there is no option to not disclose information such as income. I am unemployed and therefore earn nothing, but even if I did I wouldn’t want people to know. It’s not important in my opinion. But in order to remove the message that kept telling me to finish my profile, I had to select £0-£10,000. I just think there should be the option to keep that information quiet if you choose.

It provides your age, first name, location and what you’re looking for (ie, romance, friendship, fun). Mine is set to ‘Anything’ seeing as I don’t want to jump into it going I WANT A HUSBAND. There’s no option for ‘I just joined because I thought it was funny’. At least they don’t provide your last name, so no Facebook stalking … Or real life stalking.

Here is a screenshot of my personal Profile page. Because I trust you guys I haven’t blanked anything out, but if it was someone else’s page I would have. Here it is in the raw, intro and all.

ImageThe grey bar at the bottom is like a Live Feed. When somebody comes online, checks out your profile, sends a message, winks or wants to start a Chat, it will appear in the darker section of the bar. I will admit this is a pretty neat little feature. Still not worth £15 a month though.

Encounters, from the top menu, will randomly select a member from the filters you provide (ie age, location) and you can then click ‘Want to Meet? Yes, No or Maybe’. Diaries is like a miniature blog. And as for Favourites, that shows you which members that you have as favourites and which are online. As you can see from the screenshot, M24 is online as I type this. Hasn’t replied to my message though ..

Here’s a fun feature: Bolt-Ons. Ooh, how very fascinating, do tell me more! These are additional features you can choose to add to your account. Check out what they offer:

ImageFor just £5 a month, you could save the single population from paying to speak to you!

For £5 a month I could also provide a quantity of food and water to African children, vital funds for research into cancer, or the salary for a guide dog trainer. I know where I’d rather spend my money.

Barely any members know how to hold a conversation or take a profile picture. I already outlined in an earlier post how to take a good picture, but not very many members seem to follow the rules. The truth is, there’s just no hot guys on K! Dating that also know how to spell. It’s a harsh reality.

There’s just nobody very interesting on there.

Total. waste. of money.

Yes, I met M24, which was good. He also said to me that the only good thing about it was meeting me. How charming. But seriously, M24 aside, I cannot give any positive feedback. I won’t be recommending this to anyone. And the worst part, to cancel your membership you have to call the 0800 number they provide during the hours of 9am and 5.30pm. You can’t email, or just hit a big shiny Cancel Membership button. You have to fit your busy new life of Newly-Appointed-Girlfriend or Suddenly-Skint-But-Still-A-Singleton around their office hours.

I should have gone with Plenty of Fish.

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2 responses

  1. Hahahaha the things people say in their dating profiles…. gah, further reason to never ever engage in conversation with strangers. Apparently most of them are moronic.

    March 5, 2014 at 4:31 am

    • Haha, absolutely! Had no idea how to react when I read the ‘colourful dresses’ and ‘likes to frolic in fields’ thing. Was astounded. At least M24 is relatively normal and agrees the site is rubbish. There’s one person out there who has some common sense!

      March 5, 2014 at 10:06 am

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