The Hell Butterfly

Commitment Issues

I have let The Hell Butterfly fall into disrepair. December was a particularly bad month for this – I’d blame Christmas, but then that’s just a bad excuse. When I began this blog in November, I wrote a post every day save a few. In December, I kept up with it for a little while, but then I abandoned it a little at a time. I didn’t realise how much I missed writing posts, but then again I also didn’t realise how lacking in originality I was. I had nothing. I wanted to post, but I had nothing left in my arsenal.

I just looked at my Stats page. This is what the last month looks like:

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It hurts a little to look at. All those gaps. This is my fault. I hadn’t been posting. I let the blog crash and burn. The last few days have begun to turn things around, but barely. I know I can blog, and blog well. I mean, just look at this:

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If you can read that, I had 66 views from 22 visitors in week 46. The next two weeks aren’t too shabby either. So I know that when I put my mind to it, and blog everyday, or at least blog often, I can get into the blue, so to speak. But then see how low it sinks in Week 49. And then again. And again and again until the end of the chart is but a blip on the face of success. One last example of how well I could do:

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November – pretty damn close to 200 views. December – barely touching 50. We can’t count January as such just yet, but I hope that I can get that blue bar a little closer to that November one. I don’t care how many views – it’s not a race, it’s not all or nothing for me. But I can’t deny that it’s about numbers. I get discouraged easily if I don’t see results, I know that. It’s why I never stuck at exercise. And I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does. I refuse to deny it, in fact. It bothers me when I don’t get views. But I also know that this is my fault – how can I get views if I’m not giving people something to look at?

I know this is a shabby post really. It’s just me complaining. But I promise (to myself as well as to The Hell Butterfly family) that I’ll post more. I almost said I promise to try, but that’s just another excuse. I will post more. It’s hard to write it, let alone do it. I don’t want to set myself a goal I can’t achieve. It’s why I’m a pessimist – if I expect something to go wrong, then it hurts a little less when it does. I could be setting myself a goal I can’t reach, a task I can’t complete. But I will try, and I hope to fulfill that promise to you. Here is the written proof, and I won’t blame you for holding me to it. You all saw it here – I promise more posts from The Hell Butterfly. And at the end of January I’ll take another look at my monthly stats and see how it’s gone. I hope to see it up there with November. Maybe not right up next to it – though I’ll admit I’ll be chuffed if it was – but just higher than December. And then February will hopefully be higher again.

I’ll try not to have any more commitment issues. The Hell Butterfly is my sole responsibility, and if it falls, I have only myself to blame.

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5 responses

  1. Try not to look at the amount of views you get. If you focus on them too much, you will slowly drive yourself insane. When I started out, my stats were a lot like yours, but they didn’t bother me because I only cared about the comments, which in my opinion are all that matters.

    January 9, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    • I’m hoping when I’ve been blogging few a few more months I can get over it – I’ve only been is the business, so to speak, for two and a bit months. Lots of mental barriers to get over, but I’m sure I’ll manage it 🙂 I appreciate the comment.

      January 9, 2014 at 4:27 pm

  2. Something happened to me in January. Stats just bottomed out. Just gone. More likes than ever, but poof. Maybe something is happening to you too. My stats thing is fixed for the moment, but I’ll wait to see how my readership keeps up with the spike.

    As for originality, that’s why I started fictionalizing things. My friend was cooking and I hadn’t in forever so I wrote a take me back letter to cooking as though it was a woman. It’s spiraled out from there and now I have to find original things for that, but it’s a template. Maybe all you need is a template too. Something to link blog posts together. If you do a fictionalized post I’ll repost on my website and maybe send some traffic your way and I can build a sort of McSweeny’s competitor here on wordpress.

    January 11, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    • That’s a good idea – I’ve recently sketched out the skeleton for a possible novella idea or two but I don’t know where to even begin with the writing of them. This may just be because I haven’t written creatively in a little while. I hadn’t thought of fictionalising actual events to get back into it. I’m trying to do like I did when I started in November and post something everyday – maybe I’ll try coming up with some shorter fiction pieces (rather than obsessing over bigger novella stuff).

      I would really appreciate a repost – gives me an idea for maybe some kind of Round Robin-esk thing. Get a few people involved and everyone reposts something from the person before or something. Like a group traffic builder. Also – what’s McSweeny?

      January 11, 2014 at 6:40 pm

  3. Pingback: Jigokucho – January in Review | jigokucho

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